you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize