Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im holly from the hills drunk
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
