Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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