You're my little dorito
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
