brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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