he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
