I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
