can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
