I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
accomplished twins. life is a go
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
