I'm so fucking centered right now
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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