dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Randomize
