As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
