just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
