why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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