he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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