You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
