I saw his package. It spoke to me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
