please come you make the beer taste better
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
