so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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