If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
