hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
