doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
