Already got asked if we're dating
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
