went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
