dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
