I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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