gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
