Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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