Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
