I hate your face
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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