oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you inspire me to be a worse person
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
