She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
