FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm always down for nudity.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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