Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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