she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize