my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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