He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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