its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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