Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
