Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
