that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
