Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
