i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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