at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
