So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
