idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
