My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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