I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
