Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
