In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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