they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize