Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
