I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
