after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You pole danced in your parka.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
