Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
