but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize