2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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