Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
