I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
