My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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