Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
