I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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