I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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