Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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