HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
