I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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