your thong is hanging out like whoa
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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