I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
