True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
