I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
