like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
