one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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