She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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