just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
