Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
