just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
