Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
