If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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