We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
