I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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