Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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