I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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