All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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