my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
