I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
