the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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