I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
