He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
how drunk are you?
Several
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
