I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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