the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
