My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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