You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
