he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
