I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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