this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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