i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
