And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
