Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
