so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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