His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am one with the molecules
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
