every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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