and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Welp...herpes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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