If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
