My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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