You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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