bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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