This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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