I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
