yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
